Last week in writing class, we worked on showing, not telling.  That means using rich details to make a point.  For example, instead of saying, "My room was messy," Kyle said, "When you open the door to my smelly, dirty room, the first thing you might hear are crusty, dirty socks crunching under your foot."

Here are more examples of Showing, Not Telling:

Instead of saying, "The pond feels slimy.", Marcello said, "I slipped my foot into the oozing brown goo that smushed in my toes and crawled up my legs.  I took another step and sunk a few feet in."

Instead of, "The store owner was mean," Bradley P. said, "The store owner was screaming at his employees, "Get back to work!!!" and he was saying to everyone, "Either buy something or get out of my store!"

Instead of, "My teacher was so mean," Brianna wrote, "My teacher was the worst! If I could pick between her and Medusa, I would pick Medusa because at least she could put me out of my misery instead of my teacher that talks and talks and talks, which is annoying."

Instead of, "The attic felt spooky," Sophia created, "As I pulled down the hatch to get up in the attic, spiders fell down.  I walked up the ladder and the ladder creaked.  I got up and bats flew around the attic.  Cobwebs were everywhere.  I walked through a huge spider web.  It was pitch black.  I tried to turn the lights on and all they did was flicker!"

Instead of, "The attic felt spooky," Jayla says, "When I pressed the button to make the stairs go down, it didn't work.  But when I pressed it again, it did.  I heard a strange noise coming up the stairs.  It sounded like something getting fried.  Shhh... it was getting closer and closer, so I climbed really fast into the attic.  A big spiderweb went on my face.  I didn't want to scream because I didn't know what the creature was behind me."