Instead of, "Learning to ride a bike without training wheels was hard", Emerson said, "Crash!  Bang!  Smash!  I tumbled into the basketball hoop.  "Ugh!" I groaned.  This was the tenth time I crashed today."

Instead of, "The roller coaster was scary", Abby says, "But if I knew how horrible it would be, I would have started kicking and screaming to get out and live.  As we started up the slope, I heard the ticking.  Tick, tick, tick, tick.  It was counting down to the time I died."

Instead of, "I was scared on the ride", Rory writes, "'Ahhh!'  Everyone screamed on the ride.  Everyone except for me.  I had my eyes sealed shut and was as quiet as a mouse that can squeak.  I felt my mother's warm hand and knew I was safe."

"We slowly crept up the stairs.  No one was supposed to be home but us.  We looked around.  Nothing.  I looked over at the tv.  Off.  Everything was in its place.  Everything.  I looked at Nathan and Nathan looked at me.  Everything was in its place but one thing."  - Aidan

"The cart was amazing.  It was blue, a beautiful light blue, with flames.  It was the inside that scared me.  No harness. No safety.  Nothing.  And I was in the front."  - Emma

More of our "Showing, Not Telling":

Instead of "The attic felt spooky", Emma wrote, "I opened the attic door.  Cobwebs hung everywhere.  Big chests sat in a corner, looking like they held a secret.  Drafts of wind came in and made whooing sounds like ghosts.  Boxes piled with toys cluttered the room.  It felt like the whole room was holding its breath.  Waiting.  Secrets."

Instead of "The pond feels slimy", Eli wrote, "The pond feels like rotten egg shells, moldy jello, and dried up milk all mixed together into a pond.  It was disgusting."

Instead of " The attic feels spooky", Lina wrote, "As I was walking up the stairs I could hear creaking sounds everywhere!  I saw spiderwebs everywhere.  There wasn't one thing that didn't have a spiderweb on it.  The attic was dank and cold.  I saw bat poop on an old suitcase.  There must be bats!"

Instead of "I was bored", Jaryn created, "I was super bored.  You know how kids can never be quiet or sit still?  Well, I couldn't either!  So I just walked around.  And for kids, 5 minutes seems like a whole million days!  But I can guarantee you it was more than 5 minutes!"

Instead of, "I was upset", McCenzy says, "'Nooo!' I start whining.  My.  Toy.  Car.  It's gone!  Tears run down my face.  I was playing mini-golf at the time.  I was 2 and my brother was 5.  I banged my golf club around like a maniac!"

Instead of, "The ride was fun", Maddy writes, "We started going up slow.  When we were at the top I looked over once and I was scared.  We went down the hill really fast.  I clutched onto the buckle then onto my dad and screamed.  We tipped so much I thought we were going to fall out!"

Last week in writing class, we worked on showing, not telling.  That means using rich details to make a point.  For example, instead of saying, "My room was messy," Kyle said, "When you open the door to my smelly, dirty room, the first thing you might hear are crusty, dirty socks crunching under your foot."

Here are more examples of Showing, Not Telling:

Instead of saying, "The pond feels slimy.", Marcello said, "I slipped my foot into the oozing brown goo that smushed in my toes and crawled up my legs.  I took another step and sunk a few feet in."

Instead of, "The store owner was mean," Bradley P. said, "The store owner was screaming at his employees, "Get back to work!!!" and he was saying to everyone, "Either buy something or get out of my store!"

Instead of, "My teacher was so mean," Brianna wrote, "My teacher was the worst! If I could pick between her and Medusa, I would pick Medusa because at least she could put me out of my misery instead of my teacher that talks and talks and talks, which is annoying."

Instead of, "The attic felt spooky," Sophia created, "As I pulled down the hatch to get up in the attic, spiders fell down.  I walked up the ladder and the ladder creaked.  I got up and bats flew around the attic.  Cobwebs were everywhere.  I walked through a huge spider web.  It was pitch black.  I tried to turn the lights on and all they did was flicker!"

Instead of, "The attic felt spooky," Jayla says, "When I pressed the button to make the stairs go down, it didn't work.  But when I pressed it again, it did.  I heard a strange noise coming up the stairs.  It sounded like something getting fried.  Shhh... it was getting closer and closer, so I climbed really fast into the attic.  A big spiderweb went on my face.  I didn't want to scream because I didn't know what the creature was behind me."

Excellent excerpts:

"It was April Fool's Day at 9:00am and I was sleeping.  My sister came in my room with a black and brown marker and drew a mustache and a monocle on my face.  When I woke up, my mom said, "Go to the bathroom and look at that."  I rushed to the bathroom and I said, "Liv, you are so dead!"  I went into her room and here's what she said, "April Fool's!"  - Bradley P.

"The worst thing ever has happened to me.  I don't think a little girl should ever have to go through what I went through.  My great gram Mary Wilcox died of brain cancer and it was so heart breaking.  I had lost a family member, but I had also lost my best friend.  I had always told her that I would never let her go, but I guess I lied."  - Brianna

"One day my friend Max came over to meet my new kitten, Joey.  Joey had black fur and yellow eyes.  He had a little spot of white fur on his neck.  My mom's friend picked up Joey when suddenly, George, my other cat came down the stairs.  We hadn't planned for them to meet until we had Joey for a week, but we decided for them to meet early.  When Joey saw George, he made a meow that sounded like  a monster cat.  It was kinda like a roar but a meow and it sounded more of a scared roar than an 'I'm gonna kill ya!' roar."  - Bradley K.

More excerpts from our first drafts:

"The first thunderstorm I saw was when I was a baby.  I don't know how old I was.  It was night and I was sleeping in my crib.  I started crying because there was flashing lightning and loud noises.  It sounded like a big boom - almost like a car with a loud stereo.  My mom came into my room and asked if I was alright.  I was too young to talk, so I reached up my arms and she picked me up.  I felt happy and safe."  - Kyle

"My mom left for Texas because my granddad is there.  My dad and I packed up to go camping.  We got a HUGE STEAK!  It was as big as my face."  - Emerson

"We parked and I leapt out of the car and gave a huge hug to Mason, a close friend.  His yard was huge and next to his yard was a large, wood biome.  We ran in the forest.  I took a sniper rifle Nerf gun.  We pretended we were clones on Corusaunt, a distant planet in the Kahiki forest and we were blowing up Echo Base.  We ran through the forest and shot targets on trees and then escaped in a log space ship."  - Aidan

"One day when I was little, my mom and dad told me we were going to Story Land!  I was so excited that I ran upstairs to my room, found my suitcase and dragged it to my room.  I opened my drawers and started packing all my clothes.  When I finished, I tried to close it.  It wouldn't close.  I yelled to my dogs.  They came and sat on my suitcase and then I sat on it."  - Maddy

More excerpts from our fabulous writers:

"We saw the Liberty Bell, Benjamin Franklin's grave, the Betsy Ross House, the US Mint, and many more buildings!  We had dinner on South St.  Where did we have dinner, you might ask?  We had 'Joe's Philly Cheesesteaks'!!  When you were in line, you could actually see them make your sandwiches.  We had dinner on the second floor of the building."  -Jaryn

"It was a nice hot summer day.  The sun was up and my brother triple dog dared me to run down the hill.  So I said okay and I started running down the hill.  I tripped down, did a somersault, a cartwheel, and then forward rolls all the way down the hill.  I stopped at the bottom of the hill.  I got up I was so dizzy I fell again.  And that is the last time I would run down a hill."  - Jayla

"One day my friend Olivia and I were outside in the 2013 blizzard.  We were making two big snow forts right next to each other in a big snow pile.  We kept kicking the snow to make a pile in the fort then we would take the snow out.  But my mom told us not to dig too far in because she did not want it to collapse on us.  .... Suddenly this big gust of wind came by and made my fort collapse on me."  -Sophia

Here are more excerpts from our fabulous writers:

"'Can I swim?' 'Can I swim?'  I ask as I come down the stairs with my suit on.  'Yes,' my parents say as they make breakfast.  I sprint as fast as I can and dive into the pool.  Everything goes silent.  When I'm in the water, I'm free.  I can do whatever I want in my pool.  Back flips, front flips, handstands - everything!"  - McCenzy

"We watched the sky.  Whenever I look up at the sky, I feel like I am floating.  Floating up into the sky.  It always makes my stomach do a somersault.  I can fly, for like 2 seconds, and that is by jumping off the swing and falling and waving my arms like crazy.  The clouds were moving fast today.  I tried to find shapes."  - Emma

"One hot summer day, I woke up to my alarm clock at 6:30 in the morning.  I got dressed into my bathing suit and I literally glided down the stairs and my heart was pounding.  My mom and my younger brother were making pancakes.  I raced to the cabinet to get utensils and plates.  I set the table with alarming hands."  - Marcello

We are working on writing more powerful personal narratives in class.  I am reading through their first drafts and they are so good, I wanted to share some snippets here.

Excerpts from Our Writing:

"This place is where I feel free of all my worries.  My grandparents are there, inside their house, watching us with delight from our worriless fun.  We boat with them, my hair blowing within the strong breeze.  In the winter we sled our hearts out down the hill." - Rory

"'Zia!  Nooo!!!' I cried with desperation in my voice.  Thankfully, the car slowed down and scared Zia onto the sidewalk.  While Ashley and Jade were trying to grab Zia, I saw a car zoom by so fast.  It was too fast.  I thought to myself, 'What if Zia was in the road while that car was coming?'  I shuddered as the thought sifted through my brain." - Abby

"But instead Sarah went onto the bed and stood there for a couple seconds.  She took a deep breath.  Suddenly, she did a back handspring!  "I can do that!" I said.  I got on to the bed and took a deep, deep breath and..."  - Lina

"Logan and I felt scared.  This was our first bridge jump.  My heart was pounding.  Hard.  Then everyone climbed over the railing.  All of a sudden, the countdown started.  3, 2, 1, GO!  We leapt off.  It felt like my heart was going to explode!  My friends and I crashed into the water.  When I kicked up and my head came out of the water, I smiled."  - Eli

Today we began our NECAP tests with an assembly pep rally.  Students then tackled Reading Session #1.  They all worked so very hard, and I was proud of them.  It takes a lot of stamina to complete this test well.  Please do your best to make sure they get a good night’s sleep the night before the test and a healthy breakfast and snack on the day of the test.   They do best when they are well rested and fed.  (We all do.)  Kids came in this morning ready to begin, so that was great!

In math, we have completed the first unit in the EnVisions math program on place value.  They did very well!  Fifth graders need to know place value up to the billions place and down to the thousandths place.  Some even know beyond these markers.  I am sending home their first corrected math test.  They all impressed me by taking it seriously and doing well.  Please go over the test items with your child, give them your feedback, and send the test back to me, signed, so I may keep it for their portfolio. 

            If anyone is up for sending in a semi-healthy snack for the NECAP testers, we would love it!  Today we enjoyed pretzels and mints.