Excerpts:
THIS IS FICTION
Before: My teacher is mean.
After: "Lina, get over here to the board and answer 10,374 X 687,543! Everyone else, open up to page googol and start working. Come on, chop, chop, let's go! We don't have all day." Mrs. McGuigan's face was purple, contorted with rage.
As I went to the board, Eli muttered, "This book only has one zillion pages."
"Then get the next volume!" Mrs. M yelled. She threw a big, far purple book on Eli's desk.
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
More excerpts:
Before: I hurt myself on a rock at the beach.
After: I went to go get the frisbee, but I tripped and fell on a pointy rock that looked like a tiny cliff. My right knee sunk into the point and at first, I didn't really feel anything but a few seconds later, it felt like a giant nail and a chisel had been hammered really hard right under my right knee. It hurt like crazy! I could see the blood soaking into the sand. - Bradley P.
Before: I fell off my bike. It hurt.
After: My sister and friends, Ian and Annalise, were biking around Chataqua and there was a big hill near the auditorium. Lindsay and Annalise were in the auditorium and Ian was gliding down the hill. 'I bet I can do that,' I thought to myself, but boy, was I wrong! - Abby
Before: I hurt myself on a rock at the beach.
After: I went to go get the frisbee, but I tripped and fell on a pointy rock that looked like a tiny cliff. My right knee sunk into the point and at first, I didn't really feel anything but a few seconds later, it felt like a giant nail and a chisel had been hammered really hard right under my right knee. It hurt like crazy! I could see the blood soaking into the sand. - Bradley P.
Before: I fell off my bike. It hurt.
After: My sister and friends, Ian and Annalise, were biking around Chataqua and there was a big hill near the auditorium. Lindsay and Annalise were in the auditorium and Ian was gliding down the hill. 'I bet I can do that,' I thought to myself, but boy, was I wrong! - Abby
Here are more samples of the kids' writing:
Before: My little brother is a pain.
After: "You might think that my little brother is adorable, but think twice before you say that. He is a little monster. However, a couple nights ago, my little brother set me up. I was walking out of the living room and -BOOM-! Soda went everywhere. "OMG," I said. "That was not me! That was Jacoby!" - Jayla
Before: I hurt my foot!
After: "One summer day, I was in my backyard with my friend. We were playing on a tree that wasn't even on our side of our property.... Standing there with my arms up and my legs bent, I leaned forward and jumped! I was swinging back and forth, back and forth, but what I didn't realize was that there was a big pyramid rock that was shaped like a 3D triangle. Finally, I jumped down. Suddenly, I went black! My hand was under my foot, all I really felt was pain! I was confused and worried. I looked down at my hnd and my hand was covered in BRIGHT RED BLOOD!" - Lina
Before: It was a nice sunny day so I went out to play, but then my mom called me in. She said we have to bring Colby in to the vet's.
After: "It was a nice, warm, sunny, gentle day surrounding me. "Ha ha ha," I giggled. Up and down, up and down, as I swing then my mom calls me in.
"Em, come in!"
"What?!" I yell.
"Come in," she says.
"OK," I sigh.
As I walk up the hill, I shuffle over to the bird's nest, shoving the blue jay away. I was pushing baby cardinals out from their nest. - Emerson
Before: My little brother is a pain.
After: "You might think that my little brother is adorable, but think twice before you say that. He is a little monster. However, a couple nights ago, my little brother set me up. I was walking out of the living room and -BOOM-! Soda went everywhere. "OMG," I said. "That was not me! That was Jacoby!" - Jayla
Before: I hurt my foot!
After: "One summer day, I was in my backyard with my friend. We were playing on a tree that wasn't even on our side of our property.... Standing there with my arms up and my legs bent, I leaned forward and jumped! I was swinging back and forth, back and forth, but what I didn't realize was that there was a big pyramid rock that was shaped like a 3D triangle. Finally, I jumped down. Suddenly, I went black! My hand was under my foot, all I really felt was pain! I was confused and worried. I looked down at my hnd and my hand was covered in BRIGHT RED BLOOD!" - Lina
Before: It was a nice sunny day so I went out to play, but then my mom called me in. She said we have to bring Colby in to the vet's.
After: "It was a nice, warm, sunny, gentle day surrounding me. "Ha ha ha," I giggled. Up and down, up and down, as I swing then my mom calls me in.
"Em, come in!"
"What?!" I yell.
"Come in," she says.
"OK," I sigh.
As I walk up the hill, I shuffle over to the bird's nest, shoving the blue jay away. I was pushing baby cardinals out from their nest. - Emerson
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